Metal Gear Raiden
by Shadow34
Summary: Solid Snake sets off to rescue Meryl.
1. The Kitty Cat Club

Colonel: Snake! They've got Meryl!  
  
Snake: What!? Who's got Meryl?  
  
Colonel: The Kitty Cat Club.  
  
Snake: Really!? I go there all the time...er, I mean...where is the club located?  
  
Colonel: It's located on 42nd Street, you know, across from Jerry's Paint Shop, near the Dunkin Donuts.  
  
Snake: All right. I'm on my way.  
  
Colonel: Please Snake, you have to save my daughter, she shouldn't be in that place...  
  
Snake: Don't worry Colonel, I'll get her out of there.  
  
Colonel: Thanks Snake.  
  
*Snake walks back into the living room*  
  
Otacon: Snake, who were you talking to in the bathroom?  
  
Snake: The Colonel. Otacon, I need your help! The Kitty Cat Club has Meryl! You have to drive me there!  
  
Otacon: I'm not falling for that one again Snake.  
  
Snake: I'm not lying dammit! We have to hurry!  
  
Otacon: Erg, all right. *mutters* He really needs another hobby...  
  
*Outside the Kitty Cat Club*  
  
Otacon: There it is Snake.  
  
Snake: Good job Otacon. Can you hand me the Digital Camera?  
  
Otacon: Didn't they kick you out last time because you had a camera?  
  
Snake: This is no time for that! I need proof that they're holding Meryl hostage!  
  
Otacon: *mumbles* Pervert. *Hands Snake the camera*  
  
*Snake climbs up the stair case on the side of the Kitty Cat Club and heads into the air duct*  
  
Otacon: Snake, why didn't you just walk through the front door?  
  
Snake: Simple. It costs $5 to get in. Do you see me getting up to go to work everyday? No. How would I pay?  
  
Otacon: .....  
  
Snake: Now, all I have to do is figure out where she is...  
  
*Snake is still crawling around the air ducts, hoping to remember how to make the green dot appear on the radar so he can find Meryl easier*  
  
Snake: Damn! That green dot was for that Donald guy, not Meryl! Argh, wait, what's that through the grate?  
  
*Snake looks through the grate, stares in awe at the girl spinning around in circles on a pole* 


	2. Meeting With Olga

*3 hours later*  
  
Otacon: Snake? What's going on? Snake? Snaaaaaaaake!  
  
Snake: Huh? What? I didn't die Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Oh, that's good, I guess. What's taking you so long?  
  
Snake: That girl reminded me of Sniper Wolf.  
  
Otacon: Really?...  
  
Snake: You know, cuz she's showing a lot of cleavage.  
  
Otacon: ....Why do I talk to you again?  
  
Snake: Uh, because I saved your life?  
  
Otacon: No, that can't be it.  
  
Snake: I've got a mission to do. Snake out.  
  
Otacon: You aren't using a walkie-talkie Snake. I can still hear you. Get moving, I think the meter maid is getting suspicious.  
  
Snake: She's probably working for the Patriots.  
  
Otacon: Stop it with the damned conspiracy theories and get a move on!  
  
*Snake drops down through a vent into the pantry*  
  
Snake: Otacon, I've landed in some strange room with a lot of boxes.  
  
Otacon: That's probably the pantry Snake.  
  
Snake: Really!? They keep panties in here? That means the girls have to come in here eventually! What a great hiding spot!  
  
Otacon: Pantry!!!! Not panties, Snake!!!  
  
Snake: Oh. Did anyone ever tell you that you were a real buzz kill?  
  
Otacon: Are going to look for Meryl or not?  
  
Snake: Wait! Enemy sentry approaching!  
  
*Snake sees a bouncer enter the pantry. The bouncer leans up against some boxes and lights a cigarette.*  
  
*Snake lunges out from behind his box and snaps his neck. He then proceeds to take the cigarettes*  
  
Otacon: Snake! You didn't need to kill him! Did you do that just to steal his cigarettes?  
  
Snake: I'm not stealing them, I'm taking them back. He took them from me after he kicked me out last time.  
  
Otacon: Oh, never mind then.  
  
*Snakes slowly opens the door and peeks around the corner*  
  
Snake: Otacon, we've got a problem.  
  
Otacon: What is it Snake?  
  
Snake: There are way too many girls in here to distract me. How am I supposed to get through?  
  
Otacon: Give me a few, I'll think of something.  
  
*Snake is still wondering how he's going to get past all the hot babes to get to Meryl*  
  
Otacon: I've got it Snake! Just think of Fatman being nude! That should turn you off to every girl in here!  
  
Snake: ARE YOU INSANE!?  
  
Otacon: It'll work, trust me Snake!  
  
Snake: You're paying for my therapy...  
  
Otacon: What don't I pay for?  
  
Snake: I'm on a mission here, could you be quiet?  
  
Otacon: ....  
  
*Against his better judgment, Snake imagines a naked Fatman*  
  
Snake: *mutters* I hate you Otacon.  
  
*Snake starts walking in the club, trying to spot Meryl*  
  
Snake: Huh? Who's that hairy armpit girl? Even imagining Fatman isn't helping me. *drools*  
  
Olga: Snake! What are you doing here!?  
  
Snake: Oh, it's you. Can you show me your hoo hoo's?  
  
Olga: Are you blind? I'm not wearing anything.  
  
Snake: ....Oh.  
  
Olga: Why are you here?  
  
Snake: The Kitty Cat Club is holding Meryl hostage.  
  
Olga: Who's that? Oh, weren't you comparing me to her after you knocked me out and after you were done groping me on the Tanker?  
  
Snake: That'd be the one.  
  
Olga: She's on stage next.  
  
Snake: I'll just wait here then.  
  
Olga: Be careful Snake. All of the women here work for the Patriots.  
  
Snake: Yeah, I know. I've slept with all of them...er, I mean...uh....damn.  
  
Olga: Just watch me until it's her turn.  
  
Snake: Ok.  
  
*Snake gazes at Olga for the next 20 minutes* 


	3. Meryl

*All the girls have left the stage and Snake is waiting patiently for Meryl to come out. Suddenly a Ninja drops from the ceiling onto the stage*  
  
Vamp: Shake it baby!  
  
Snake: Didn't Raiden kill him, like, a lot?  
  
Snake: Anyways, who the hell are you!?  
  
Ninja: I am like you, I have no...wow, she's hot.  
  
Snake: At least I know I'm not the only who gets distracted by them.  
  
Ninja: Distracted!? I've come back from a world where such words are meaningless.  
  
Snake: What is it? Revenge?  
  
Ninja: It is nothing so trivial as revenge. You stole my copy of MGS2!  
  
Snake: ....It's you. Gray Fox...  
  
Fox: Ah, so you do remember.  
  
Snake: Yeah...I also remember you used to cross dress.  
  
Fox: ...Snake...that person you saw was your own reflection in the mirror.  
  
Snake: Damn! That's why you got the code name Fox...  
  
Fox: Correct. Now, let's fight Snake. Hand to hand, it is the basis of all combat. Only a fool trusts his life to a weapon.  
  
Snake: I seem to be experiencing Deja Vu...  
  
Fox: Hmm...me too. Let's just watch Meryl...I used to follow her into the shower with my stealth suit.  
  
Snake: Yeah, I would've done that, except Otacon didn't give me the stealth until we boarded the Tanker. So I had to resort to spying on cheerleaders.  
  
Fox: You haven't aged well Snake. Still a teenager at heart.  
  
Snake: Yeah, well, can a teenager do this?  
  
*Snakes does a karate chop*  
  
Fox: Yes, actually they can.  
  
Snake: I guess you're right then.  
  
*Johnny Sazaki walks out onto the stage*  
  
Johnny: And now *ergh*, the *ohhhh* lovely Meryl *plerp* is now taking *gwarp* the stage. Damn women, always give me the runs. *oooooohhhhhhh*  
  
*Runs to the bathroom only to find that there is no tissue paper*  
  
Johnny: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  
  
Snake: Finally, I'll get to see her naked!  
  
Fox: *shakes head*  
  
*Who walks out from behind the curtains? It's Meryl! In a school girl outfit.*  
  
Snake: Shake it baby!  
  
Fox: Snake, weren't you here to rescue her?  
  
Snake: All in due time...*grins*  
  
Fox: You'll never change, eh Snake?  
  
Snake: Of course not. I'm the legendary pervert Solid Snake.  
  
Fox: You don't even realize you insulted yourself...  
  
Snake: *brings out the Digital Camera* Yeah, that's the way I like it! It's a good thing I brought a lot of memory cards, hehehe. *Takes photos for the next 25 minutes*  
  
*After Meryl is done dancing, she sits down at the table with Fox and Snake*  
  
Meryl: What are you doing here Snake?  
  
Snake: .....I forgot.....  
  
Meryl: My dad told you get me out of here, right?  
  
Snake: Oh yeah! That's right. Phew, didn't want to have to call Otacon.  
  
Meryl: Didn't you die?  
  
Fox: If I did, would I be sitting here?  
  
Meryl: Smart ass.  
  
Fox: It's not my fault you're slow.  
  
Snake: Hey, cut it out you two!  
  
Meryl: So, how'd you get in here Snake? I know you're always broke.  
  
Snake: It's a secret. I don't want anyone to know how I can get in here for free...  
  
Meryl: ....Same old Snake....  
  
Snake: So, you wanna leave now?  
  
Meryl: Why would I want to leave? I make about $2500 a night.  
  
Snake: Don't you know that the Patriots control this club?  
  
Meryl: So what if a football team controls this club, I still get paid.  
  
Fox: If I listen to her anymore, my IQ will start dropping. Later.  
  
*Fox activates his stealth and runs out of the club screaming, "The MEDICINE!"*  
  
Snake: Colonel. The Ninja. The Ninja is Gray Fox. I'm sure of it!  
  
Colonel: Snake, you of all people should know that he died in Zanzibar.  
  
Naomi: No, he should have died...wait a minute...Snake, you've know that was Gray Fox for a couple of years now.  
  
Snake: Huh? Oh, you're right. Whoops, my bad.  
  
Naomi: I hope you're never cloned.  
  
Snake: I know. Could you imagine the demand for a woman's very own Solid Snake?  
  
Naomi: ....Please don't talk anymore.  
  
Snake: Whatever. C'mon Meryl, let's go.  
  
Meryl: Snake...I have something to tell you...  
  
Snake: What?  
  
Meryl: Remember the time underneath the table at McDonald's?  
  
Snake: *thinks really hard* Yeah, I remember.  
  
Meryl: I'm pregnant Snake.  
  
Snake: Damn! Raiden got you pregnant!? I'm gonna kill that kid.  
  
Meryl: Please hurry Snake. You have to stop....Metal Gear Raiden!  
  
Snake: The kid was a Metal Gear this whole time!?  
  
Meryl: Yes, he was. His annoying persona was supposed to kill Snake, but it didn't. You can beat him! Now, stop, Metal Gear Raiden!  
  
Snake: All right!  
  
Colonel: Snake. What's the situation with Meryl?  
  
Snake: I'm sorry Colonel....  
  
Colonel: I see. It's not your fault Snake. Those Patriot bastards are paying her too much money to get her to stay.  
  
Snake: Don't worry Colonel. I'll get your daughter back after I destroy Metal Gear Raiden, and take down the Patriots once and for all!  
  
Colonel: ...Thanks Snake.  
  
Snake: I'm gonna head back to the apartment so me and Otacon can think up a plan, well, actually, he'll think it up, I've been drinking too much again.  
  
Colonel: .... 


	4. Hand to hand, it is the basis of all com...

*Back at the apartment*  
  
Otacon: You should see this game Snake! It looks just like the events that took place at the Big Shell!  
  
Snake: What!?  
  
Otacon: Yeah, it even has the goofy looking Raiden in it!  
  
Snake: This is bad Otacon...if the Patriots can do this, who knows what else they can do.  
  
Otacon: I know. So, what are we gonna do about the new Metal Gear? Want me to get the Stingers and Chaff grenades?  
  
Snake: No. I remember what a friend said. "Hand to hand, it is the basis of all combat, only a fool trusts his life to a weapon." I'm taking Raiden down the old fashion way.  
  
Otacon: Hmm...in any case. I've found out where he's hiding out.  
  
Snake: Where?  
  
Otacon: The new skyscraper in Hawaii, "Outer Heaven".  
  
Snake: What!? Outer Heaven!?  
  
Otacon: Yeah, I know Snake. You'd think the guys in the Patriots would be able to think up a new name by now.  
  
Snake: Those fiends...they won't get away with this!  
  
Otacon: I've got your plane ticket ready Snake.  
  
Snake: Thanks Otacon. I owe you.  
  
Snake: Uh, could you give me a ride?  
  
Otacon: *sighs* Fine.  
  
*Snake heads off with Otacon to the airport*  
  
*At the airport*  
  
Snake: Otacon, there's a problem.  
  
Otacon: What is it Snake?  
  
Snake: How am I supposed to get through airport security with my USP?  
  
Otacon: Hmm...you could use the cardboard box trick.  
  
Snake: Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?  
  
Otacon: Because your brain's not equipped for that kind of stress.  
  
Snake: True, true...Which box should I use?  
  
Otacon: Try the Z.O.E. box.  
  
Snake: All right.  
  
*Snake hides under the Z.O.E. box and gets on the luggage conveyor belt.*  
  
Snake: I hope I don't end up in Taiwan...  
  
Otacon: Don't worry Snake. They already have action figures of you there, they don't need the actual raging alcoholic.  
  
Snake: Eh, shut up hentai boy.  
  
Otacon: That was a low blow Snake.  
  
*Snake is being lifted up onto the plane by the guys who like to lose your luggage.*  
  
2 hours later(I have no idea how long it takes to get to Hawaii, so sue me)  
  
Snake: Brr...it's cold in this plane.  
  
Otacon: They don't normally use heat for the cargo storage Snake.  
  
Snake: ....Damn.  
  
Otacon: You're landing now Snake. Now, be careful, Raiden could be anywhere.  
  
Snake: I bet you he's in the new "Outer Heaven" skyscraper.  
  
Otacon: Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, get to it then.  
  
Snake: I just outsmarted you, didn't I Otacon?  
  
Otacon: No, you didn't.  
  
Snake: Damn.... 


	5. Mei Ling

*Snake's walking along a beach, staring at all the girls hoo hoo's as they pass by him*  
  
Snake: Hm? Is that....Mei Ling?  
  
Mei Ling: Haven't seen you in awhile Snake. FoxDie hasn't taken down yet it looks like.  
  
Snake: Nope, of course not, you think Naomi would actually want to kill someone who looks this good?  
  
Mei: You'll never change.  
  
Snake: *evil thoughts pour through Snake's mind* Hey, Mei, you do know this is a topless beach, don't you?  
  
Mei: Oh? It is? Hmm...better take this off then.  
  
Snake: *stares in amazement* Shibby! I got Mei Ling to flash me, whoo hoo!  
  
Mei: *voice cracking* You lied to me Snake? I thought you were my friend...*sniff*  
  
Snake: Er...um...I'm sorry Mei Ling...  
  
Mei: I'm not going to give you your special treat now. *runs away*  
  
Snake: Special treat? Damn...she still flashed me though...hehehe...  
  
*Snake looks up, he sees..."Outer Heaven"...right next to a McDonald's...so he decides to get something to eat first.*  
  
Otacon: All right Snake. There it is. McDonald's.  
  
How are you going to get it?  
  
Snake: Simple. I'll steal one of their uniforms so I blend right in.  
  
Otacon: That might be hard Snake. Most of them are pimply faced teenagers, you're nearing 50.  
  
Snake: I've seen old people there before, they give out the little ice cream cones to the little kiddies.  
  
Otacon: All right Snake, try it. If the situation starts to turn grim, get out right away.  
  
Snake: I'm gonna get that Big Mac if it's the last thing I do...  
  
*Snake waits outside by a garbage dumpster*  
  
Mc Employee: Damn. This sucks. They fire me from the Kitty Cat Club. I caught a damned cold...I got diarrhea...and now I get stuck working with people who only spit out sentence fragments when they talk.  
  
Snake: Freeze!  
  
Johnny: Damn, not again...just take my clothes and leave me alone.  
  
Snake: *Shoots Johnny with the M9*  
  
Johnny: *Falls straight to the ground*  
  
Otacon: Snake, you didn't have to do that...he was going to give you his clothes.  
  
Snake: I know Otacon...but, I haven't shot anything in awhile.  
  
*After putting on poor Johnny's uniform, Snake begins his stealth mission into McDonald's*  
  
Snake: Do you read me Otacon?  
  
Otacon: Loud and clear Snake.  
  
Snake: Something's wrong here.  
  
Otacon: What?  
  
Snake: We've been invaded...Sergei's here...  
  
Otacon: I thought he died!?  
  
Snake: That hasn't stopped everyone else, has it?  
  
Otacon: True...be careful Snake. Find the Big Mac, then use the Digital Camera to take photos of all the cute girls in McDonald's.  
  
Snake: Right. I'll get on it. Snake out. *thinks to himself* hehehe, he doesn't even realize what he just said for the second mission objective...  
  
Otacon: *thinks to himself* hehehe, he doesn't realize that I pretended not to notice the scribble marks through the second mission objective. He could have at least retyped it, instead of using a crayon...  
  
*Snake walks around the cooking area, hoping to spot a Big Mac*  
  
Snake: There's one!  
  
Pimply employee: Next Big Mac is ready. *Throws it over to the counter*  
  
Snake: Damn kid!  
  
Otacon: Easy Snake! Don't blow the mission!  
  
Snake: grr....  
  
Loser Manager: Hey! We need someone else at the register! Get over there!  
  
Snake: What!?  
  
Loser Manager: You hear me, get moving!  
  
Otacon: This is perfect Snake! You can take pictures of the hot girls when they order food!  
  
Snake: I gotcha, will do.  
  
*Snake steps up behind the counter*  
  
Snake: Welcome to McDonald's. How may I help you sugar?  
  
Asellus: *giggles* I'd like a Large Coke.  
  
Snake: So...you like em large, eh?  
  
Asellus: Actually, super-sized would be better...  
  
*Snake and Asellus continue with the sexual innuendo for what seems like hours, Snake even resorts to punching the manager in the gut when he told him to just take her order. They went on for so long...that this segment is now over.* 


	6. Naomi I moan backwards

*After Snake had successfully gotten his big mac and the pictures of the cute girls at McDonald's(Yes, you see, he's so stealthy you didn't even notice he had done this), now Snake is finally ready to enter "Outer Heaven".*  
  
Snake: Otacon. I have something I need to ask you...  
  
Otacon: What is it Snake?  
  
Snake: Is that the same skyscraper that King Kong climbed up?  
  
Otacon: .....  
  
Snake: I'm serious, is it?  
  
Otacon: No Snake.  
  
Snake: oh.  
  
Otacon: C'mon Snake, you have to find Metal Gear Raiden.  
  
Snake: Right.  
  
Otacon: No, it's to your left.  
  
Snake: Don't confuse me like that Otacon...you know what that pentazemin did to my memory...  
  
Otacon: What'd it do again?  
  
Snake: ...I forgot.  
  
*Snake walks right in through the front door*  
  
Snake: That beats doing the incredibly pointless task of looking for 5-8 key cards.  
  
Otacon: Now what Snake? The stairs or the elevator?  
  
Snake: I don't know yet. I'll ask that guard over there.  
  
Guard: Can I help you?  
  
Snake: Yeah, tell me, do these stairs go up?  
  
Guard: You have to be joking, right?  
  
Snake: I'm not playing around here!  
  
Mysterious Voice: Don't just stand there! Get him! That's Snake you fool!  
  
Guard: *checking script* Uh, that's not in the script sir.  
  
MV: You fool! We are the Patriots! We wrote the script!  
  
Guard: Oh, right. FREEZE SNAKE!  
  
Snake: *standing behind the guard* No, you freeze.  
  
Guard: Dammit, this always happens to me...  
  
Snake: You again Johnny? Geez, you had enough jobs yet?  
  
Guard: You keep getting me fired Snake.  
  
Snake: Sorry about that.  
  
Guard: Well, you want my dog tag?  
  
Snake: *puzzled* Huh? Why would I want your dog tag?  
  
Guard: To get the stealth suit and the bandanna of course.  
  
Snake: No thanks kid. I'm a legend. Legends don't need cheats to help them.  
  
Guard: You're gonna hit me, aren't you?  
  
Snake: Nope. *shoots Johnny with the M9*  
  
Guard: I meant shoot me....I feel asleep...  
  
Snake: When will people let that go?...  
  
*Snake walks in the elevator, the elevator operator is none other than...Naomi.*  
  
Snake: Naomi!?  
  
Naomi: Which flo...Snake?  
  
Snake: What the? I break you out of prison so you can be an elevator operator?  
  
Naomi: Well, nobody will hire me because they think I'm going to kill them with FoxDie...little do they realize they were infected because they wouldn't hire me...  
  
Snake: You're starting to creep me out...  
  
Naomi: Oh, sorry Snake.  
  
Snake: So...how much time do I have?  
  
Naomi: ....I'm sorry Snake....  
  
Snake: I've still got things to do. I can't punch out yet.  
  
Naomi: ...Metal Gear Raiden is in Basement Floor 10. I'll take you there.  
  
Snake: ...  
  
Naomi: Here we are...good luck Snake. Remember, stay away from damaged goods! You remember what you got from Olga don't you?  
  
Snake: ...That was a low blow Naomi...  
  
Naomi: Sorry Snake...  
  
*Snake enters BF 10, soon he will face Metal Gear Raiden* 


	7. Holy schnikes! A box!

*Snake is lurking around BF10, hoping to find Metal Gear Raiden before it's too late*  
  
Snake: There's a truck...  
  
*Snake starts remembering the time he was in Outer Heaven and had to use trucks as transportation*  
  
Snake: Uh oh! The truck have started to move!  
  
*Snake tries calling Big Boss. He repeatedly tries 120.13, but, Big Boss doesn't respond*  
  
Snake: Damn...I better try Diane. *Tries the frequency 120.33 over and over* It's no use...I'm all alone...I still have to find Grey Fox.  
  
Otacon: Snake! Snap out of it! That was years ago! It's the year 2010 right now! You're just having flashbacks again.  
  
Snake: Are you sure Otacon?  
  
Otacon: I'm positive Snake...see, I wasn't at Outer Heaven, and you know my name, so that proves it.  
  
Snake: I knew it! You're trying to confuse me! You must be a Patriot!  
  
Otacon: Snake, you didn't even know about the Patriots back then...  
  
Snake: ....oh.  
  
Otacon: Get back to work Snake.  
  
Snake: Wow! You should see this Otacon! Look at this box I found in this truck! It's in mint condition! You have no idea how much this is worth! *Looking down, Snake realizes he's gotten pretty excited*  
  
Otacon: *smacks forehead* Snake! Go!  
  
Snake: You sure know how to turn Solid Snake into Limp Snake, Otacon...  
  
Otacon: That's really sick Snake...  
  
*Under his new guise as a box, Snake sneaks past many sleeping guards proving that once again...he is the master of sneaking by people who are asleep, or need glasses*  
  
Snake: Otacon, I found a really big door.  
  
Otacon: Gee Snake, is it really big?  
  
Snake: That's what I said dammit!  
  
Otacon: Look around for an access panel.  
  
Snake: An access wha..?  
  
Otacon: *holding back every curse he can think of* It's a panel with a keypad and/or a card reader.  
  
Snake: ...oh. I found one. Good job Otacon!  
  
Otacon: Well, try entering a password.  
  
Snake: *Starts pushing numbers like he's dialing a phone number* 1-800-SEX- MEUP  
  
*ching*  
  
Otacon: You've got to be kidding me. That actually opened the door?  
  
Snake: Hey...Jennifer isn't answering...  
  
Otacon: It wasn't a phone Snake! Go in there and get Metal Gear Raiden! 


	8. Crayola Man!

*Snake stares in disgust as he sees Metal Gear Raiden*  
  
Snake: It's him...  
  
Raiden: So, you finally came Snake...  
  
Snake: This is the end of the road kid...  
  
Raiden: No, you're wrong. Maybe if you were younger, you'd still have a chance.  
  
Snake: Bring it!  
  
Raiden: Oh, it's already been broughten!  
  
Snake: *confused look on his face* Raiden, English isn't your primary language, is it?  
  
Raiden: Hey, *sniff*, that's mean Snake...  
  
Snake: Aww...pretty boy gonna cry?  
  
Raiden: *sniff* Be *hiccups* quiet Snake! *tears form in his eyes*  
  
Snake: Ha, you're a joke kid, guess what? You're not gonna be in the sequel...  
  
Raiden: *surprised look* Huh!? But, I beat all of those Metal Gear Rays! I'm really good!  
  
Snake: You're nothing but a poser kid, those Metal Gears were nothing. Think about it. Could Metal Gear Rex have been stopped with a P-90? No, it couldn't have.  
  
Raiden: Damn...then my last act will be to destroy you Snake!  
  
Snake: You're dreaming kid!  
  
*A ferocious battle ensues*  
  
Snake: *hiding behind a stack of crates* You can't beat me kid, just give it up!  
  
Raiden: *hiding behind the same stack of crates, with his back to Snake's back* Where are you hiding Snake!?  
  
Snake: Ha, you'll never find me kid.  
  
Raiden: *calls Snake with his Codec* You won't escape me Snake!  
  
Snake: *Stands up and kicks Raiden in the head* I'm right next to you, damned kid!  
  
Raiden: Damn, he's always a step ahead of me!  
  
Snake: This isn't going to end anytime soon...time to use the secret weapon...*Snake calls someone on his Codec*  
  
Voice: I'll be right there.  
  
Raiden: Who's coming!?  
  
Snake: If you even had half a brain cell, you would've listened in on my conversation.  
  
Raiden: Damn...he did it again!  
  
Snake: Here she comes...  
  
*the mysterious figure enters the room*  
  
Emma: Hello Raiden.  
  
Raiden: No, not her!  
  
Emma: So, Raiden, is that your real hair?  
  
Raiden: Yes! For the last damned time, my hair is real!  
  
Emma: It doesn't look real though.  
  
Raiden: Gar! Why did you do this Snake!? This is inhuman!  
  
Snake: I told you kid, you can't win.  
  
Raiden: No! I have to win! I won't lose!  
  
Snake: *dramatic music starts playing* Raiden, there are times in life when you have to admit defeat, otherwise you'll just be acknowledging that you can't handle losing.  
  
Raiden: Huh?  
  
Snake: Over yer head, eh?  
  
Raiden: Take this Snake!!! *Raiden throws a punch at Snake*  
  
Snake: *Ducks Raiden's punch. Puts his back to Raiden's chest, brings his right arm up around Raiden's right arm with Snake's fist pointing up in the air, while Snake uses his left arm to grab Raiden's right wrist, he pulls down Raiden's arm so Raiden flips right over onto his back, smashing into the pavement*  
  
Raiden: Wha...what the hell was that!?  
  
Snake: It's a Judo throw, bitch. Bedtime Raiden.  
  
Raiden: Wha...damn...  
  
Snake: *Snake takes out his crayon, proceeds to write the word "wuss" repeatedly on Raiden's Skull Suit.*  
  
Raiden: Damn...you can't wash this suit...*cries*  
  
Snake: It's done.  
  
Raiden: What? What do mean? What did you mean when you said, "It's done."?  
  
Snake: You're not even a challenge to me anymore.  
  
Raiden: Grr...  
  
Snake: Just leave Raiden. Keep all of your anger bottled up inside, live the rest of your life in peace.  
  
Raiden: .....  
  
Snake: *Walks away*  
  
Raiden: *Whips out his SOCOM* *Aims at Snake*  
  
Snake: *Already has his USP drawn* *Turns, and fires*  
  
Raiden: Wha...you...hit...me.... *slumps onto the ground, blood starts oozing from Raiden's chest*  
  
Snake: .......  
  
Otacon: ....It's all right Snake, you really had no choice...  
  
Snake: It's not that Otacon...he was the one who had the combination memorized for the locker at the Train Station...  
  
Meryl: You're a real bastard, Snake, just like my uncle said.  
  
Snake: Uncle? Oh, that's right. We never told you.  
  
Meryl: Tell me what Snake?  
  
Snake: The Colonel is your father.  
  
Meryl: What!?  
  
Snake: Hey! That's my line!!!! *Whips out the USP* *BANG*  
  
Colonel: Snake! You idiot! What did you do!? Snake! Snaaaaaaaake! 


End file.
